About Me

Welcome, (insert name/product/service here)!  Thank you for visiting Graham’s Crackers, my little slice of this world-spanning pie of information and cat pictures we call the Internet.  In my humble and admittedly biased opinion, you have chosen wisely.  Let us take a few moments to introduce you to what you shall discover within.

What I Write About

I am a man of many opinions and talents.  On any given day the opinions will exceed the talents by at least a 10:1 ratio.  This is my chance to share these observations and thoughts with you.  I believe in the betterment of humanity and raising our intellectual bar, and if there is a singular thread running through my work, it is this sense of hope and possibility.  I live by Wheaton’s Law, so I promise never to be cruel for cruelty’s sake, and that all snark will be directed only towards richly deserving targets.  Because a belly laugh is always more powerful than a hateful scream.

The shorthand list is:

Movies, music, politics, literature, parenting, baseball (when in season), travel and life in general, with the occasional lapses into fiction.  Generally twice weekly on no fixed date, and subject to change at my whim and without notice.  (You can ensure you never miss a post by subscribing, either by following or by email.)

Where Else You Can Find Me

On Twitter:  @TheGrahamMilne (I know the “The” is stupid but some guy who tweeted twice in 2009 and never again is hoarding my rightful username.)

On Ello:  @GrahamMilne

On Wattpad:  @GrahamMilne

On The Huffington Post:  Graham Milne Author Archive.

Who I Am

Well, that’s not really as interesting.  But as it were, I am a long-time husband and a relatively new father, friend to many and enemy to none (except that one guy, and he knows who he is, the bastard).  I am a Canadian, a lover of the crackle of ice in a martini shaker and the wit of the English, esp. Fry, Stephen, Izzard, Eddie and Python, Monty.  Geek obsessions include James Bond, Star Trek, Star Wars and the collected works of Aaron Sorkin.  I have one finished novel, its half-written sequel and the seeds of at least three more that it would be nice to someday see on someone else’s shelves, but, you know, one thing at a time.

How to Contact Me

Say hello at one of the above social media sites, or for longer diatribes email me at grahamscrackersblog (at) gmail (dot) com.  I’ll respond as quickly as I can.  Even quicker if you work for Lucasfilm or Albert R. Broccoli’s Eon Productions (they who make the Bond movies) and have a job offer in mind.

FAQ’s

Where else have you been published?

Check out the “Publications” page.  Updated regularly and includes direct links to all such material.

Would you be willing to guest post on my site?

Depends on the nature of the site and the subject matter, but generally, yes, I am open to such endeavors, as I greatly enjoy connecting with like-minded authors and writers.  Please send me an email or leave me a comment advising of details of same.

Do you do paid freelance work?  Would you be willing to provide written content for my business?

Please email me with details.  If it’s not a business whose product/service I would back without reservation, then the answer is no.  You will likely get a sense based on my writings where my sympathies lie.

Would you be willing to interview me to help promote my product/service/widget/cause celebre?

Such decisions are made on a case by case basis.  I am generally proactive in searching out the people that I choose to interview, either because I know them personally or happen to be a big fan.  I’ll never promote something/someone that I would consider to be a compromise of my integrity, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t either.  Having said that, there’s nothing to be lost by asking me.  I’ll just say however that if I’ve never heard of you the odds aren’t necessarily in your favor.  Sorry!  😦

Which of your posts got the Freshly Pressed honor, you lucky duck?

The Scale of Schadenfreude and Triumph of a Heavyweight.  You will notice the commonality in that they are both about individuals named Justin.  Whether that played a factor in their selection by the wonderful WordPress team, I can’t say.

How did you get to write for The Huffington Post?  Can you help me write for them too?

I borrowed Amanda Palmer’s technique:  I met Arianna Huffington at a conference and asked her.  She was gracious enough to say yes.  That does not, however, mean that I have some kind of “in” that I can pass along.  If you are interested, the best way is to pitch their blog team directly.  There’s plenty of info on their site about how.  You should know however that there is no financial compensation and the decisions on publishing/placement/social media promotion lie entirely with HP’s editors and staff.

I love your work and I’d like to support you financially.

I love you too, wonderful heaven-sent sort!  I am working on setting up a method by which you may do just that.  Stay tuned!

Can I read your novel?

I am actively querying it so if you are a literary agent, YES!  Drop the deets in an email to the contact above.  If I know you, YES!  Same response.  If I don’t know you, please be patient as I navigate the labyrinth of publishing it first.  You can however read Vintage, which is set in the same world, and is free on Wattpad (if you have an account, and it’s no biggie to sign up, really).  Honest feedback is very much appreciated so even if you think it’s the worst pile of excrement ever squeezed from Satan’s infected sphincter, please tell me.  It’s the only way we learn and grow.  (But maybe don’t be quite that harsh.)

Can we connect on Facebook/LinkedIn?

Unless I know you personally or have worked with you, no.  Sorry.  Besides, you’re not likely to see anything there you don’t already see here.  I’m not given to posting pictures of my kid or screeds on maximizing office productivity.

Will you follow me back on (insert social media site here)?

Are you a unique, genuine person with lots of intelligent observations or posts on subjects I find interesting?  Then it’s very likely.  Are you prone to relentless spamming of self-promotion, misspelled gush about One Direction or dirty pictures?  Then no, not gonna happen.  I don’t auto-followback just to boost my numbers, and life is too short to waste on people who don’t add value to your day.  But if I don’t follow you back, please don’t take it personally as it’s never intended to be a deliberate snub.

This is a minor thing, but it really bugs me.  You say you’re Canadian.  Why do you write in American English (i.e. spell “colour” without the “U”)?

The short answer is laziness.  The medium-length answer is because I get more traffic from the United States.  The upsized-medium answer is because I got used to writing in Yank-speak to make my novel submission-friendly and it just kind of stuck.  I am fully capable of switching back should the avenue warrant.

I’m looking for a mint condition copy of Action Comics #261.

You misspelled the website name.  Try www (dot) grahamcrackers (dot) com for the same-named store in Wisconsin.  No endorsement intended.  Don’t know the guy.  Can’t offer you a discount.

You haven’t answered my particular question.

Sorry, the ESP is on the blink today.  Sunspots, probably.  Email me or drop a comment below.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VISIT!  PLEASE TO COME BACK SOON.

28 thoughts on “About Me”

  1. I think this is great and you should continue with your comments, opinions and astute observations! Great job!

  2. Should have commented long before but got lost on a side road that led to Mycenae and Illium. I thinks it is great that you have started this Blog. As I have known you for 5 years or more and I am well aware of the talent that lays within your being. This is an excellent portal to let it shine through. Remember also you are decendent from the “Last of the Free” (bet you don’t know who that line is credited to.)

  3. Hi Graham,

    I wanted to drop you a quick note to ask a writing-related favor, but there’s no ‘contact you’ sort of link I can find on your blog. If you can spare a minute and don’t mind, could you send me a message at aneastbaywriter gmail com?

    Thanks,

    EBW

  4. Hi Graham, I just read your article about my course in Toronto in February this year. Thanks so much for giving me such a wonderful write-up! I’m so glad you got what I was trying to convey and I hope it has changed your own approach to writing.This inspires me! If we don’t come from a place of passion, if we don’t know our own “why”, we are not fully alive.
    Very best wishes
    Alan Denman

    1. Wow – thanks so much Alan, for both the course, and your thoughts here! Inspiration is the best form of currency – freely exchanged, and never loses value with inflation. The best to you and Ayesha in your creative endeavors also.

  5. Hi Graham, I don’t know if you’re into the awards thing, but just to show our appreciation with a shout out, Cecile’s Writers has nominated you for “The Very Inspiring Blogger Award”.

  6. Hello, I see you’ve got an active Twitter, but was wondering whether you have a facebook to which you allow users to subscribe to your writings. An answer would be appreciated. Thanks!

    1. Hi Kelvin,

      You can subscribe by clicking the button under “May I Have Some More?” or, if you have a WordPress blog of your own, you can use the follow button. Also, if you go to my Huffington Post page, you can sign up there for updates as well – although those tend to be less frequent.

      Thanks for stopping by!

    1. Hey Coco – feel free to spread the quote far and wide. The HuffPost gig was a result of sheer wobbly-kneed bravado on my part – I had the fortune of speaking to Arianna Huffington at a conference and I just asked. A story that I hope is inspiration to all those shy guys who are terrified to talk to the beautiful girl because they automatically assume they’ll be rejected.

  7. Came across your blog through one of your comments on Coco’s blog.
    There is a strange honesty and childlike simplicity in your writing… Loved it. Keep blogging.
    Cheers 🙂

  8. My blogs very gay and very proud of that, though the product of a WASP New York writer who can’t swear. Yes, well, such is life. I do truly find you intriguing … you speak in rhymes and times and hold me spell-bound by your shortest paragraphs. In any event, I’m thrilled to be following you … look out ! There I am ! … and look forward to more fun reading. Je t’embrasse bien fort, Mark

  9. Yes to the wit of the English! Love the blog and will be following. Not too closely mind you, I am British after all. I will be walking slowly behind you at a slight distance. Just enough to make you feel uncomfortable.

    Must dash – tea is ready and I’ve used my stereotype quota for the day.

    Sophie

  10. Very, very cool …. and you had me in the palm of your hand until we hit that inevitable bump in the road. Sigh. Oh, well, I’m gay and until I’ve thoroughly vetted a blog I worry .. straight people are often to, well, straight. We’re more bend me, shake me, etc. But I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, and just because you’re handsome (though I’m sure that factors into our Sophie’s flirtation up there.

  11. Hmmmm…. belly laughs… not a terribly common ‘every day’ expression that ‘most’ people use (generalizing, here). Yet I used it just this evening while reviewing a Chuck Wendig book. Then, stumbled on to your blog via WP recommendations. Saw belly laughs and Chuck W in the first three minutes perusing. Six degrees and all that…. weird. Glad to meet you. Like your writing so far. Will stick around. Following ~ here and on Twitter. 😉

  12. I wish you’d contributed to the original “Star Wars” film, as well. Less Lucas + More Graham = Every Character NOT Having A “Bad Feeling” About Something*

    *This harsh criticism in no way impacts my utter adoration and respect for George Lucas (okay, it’s just a teeny, tiny crush) and my devotion to the “Star Wars” franchise. “Let the Wookie win.”

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Parables on publishing, politics, pop culture, philosophical pondering and pushing people's limits.

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