Welcome, (insert name/product/service here)! Thank you for visiting Graham’s Crackers, my little slice of this world-spanning pie of information and cat pictures we call the Internet. In my humble and admittedly biased opinion, you have chosen wisely. Let us take a few moments to introduce you to what you shall discover within.
What I Write About
I am a man of many opinions and talents. On any given day the opinions will exceed the talents by at least a 10:1 ratio. This is my chance to share these observations and thoughts with you. I believe in the betterment of humanity and raising our intellectual bar, and if there is a singular thread running through my work, it is this sense of hope and possibility. I live by Wheaton’s Law, so I promise never to be cruel for cruelty’s sake, and that all snark will be directed only towards richly deserving targets. Because a belly laugh is always more powerful than a hateful scream.
The shorthand list is:
Movies, music, politics, literature, parenting, baseball (when in season), travel and life in general, with the occasional lapses into fiction. Generally twice weekly on no fixed date, and subject to change at my whim and without notice. (You can ensure you never miss a post by subscribing, either by following or by email.)
Where Else You Can Find Me
On Twitter: @TheGrahamMilne (I know the “The” is stupid but some guy who tweeted twice in 2009 and never again is hoarding my rightful username.)
On Ello: @GrahamMilne
On Wattpad: @GrahamMilne
On The Huffington Post: Graham Milne Author Archive.
Who I Am
Well, that’s not really as interesting. But as it were, I am a long-time husband and a relatively new father, friend to many and enemy to none (except that one guy, and he knows who he is, the bastard). I am a Canadian, a lover of the crackle of ice in a martini shaker and the wit of the English, esp. Fry, Stephen, Izzard, Eddie and Python, Monty. Geek obsessions include James Bond, Star Trek, Star Wars and the collected works of Aaron Sorkin. I have one finished novel, its half-written sequel and the seeds of at least three more that it would be nice to someday see on someone else’s shelves, but, you know, one thing at a time.
How to Contact Me
Say hello at one of the above social media sites, or for longer diatribes email me at grahamscrackersblog (at) gmail (dot) com. I’ll respond as quickly as I can. Even quicker if you work for Lucasfilm or Albert R. Broccoli’s Eon Productions (they who make the Bond movies) and have a job offer in mind.
Where else have you been published?
Check out the “Publications” page. Updated regularly and includes direct links to all such material.
Would you be willing to guest post on my site?
Depends on the nature of the site and the subject matter, but generally, yes, I am open to such endeavors, as I greatly enjoy connecting with like-minded authors and writers. Please send me an email or leave me a comment advising of details of same.
Do you do paid freelance work? Would you be willing to provide written content for my business?
Please email me with details. If it’s not a business whose product/service I would back without reservation, then the answer is no. You will likely get a sense based on my writings where my sympathies lie.
Would you be willing to interview me to help promote my product/service/widget/cause celebre?
Such decisions are made on a case by case basis. I am generally proactive in searching out the people that I choose to interview, either because I know them personally or happen to be a big fan. I’ll never promote something/someone that I would consider to be a compromise of my integrity, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t either. Having said that, there’s nothing to be lost by asking me. I’ll just say however that if I’ve never heard of you the odds aren’t necessarily in your favor. Sorry! 😦
Which of your posts got the Freshly Pressed honor, you lucky duck?
The Scale of Schadenfreude and Triumph of a Heavyweight. You will notice the commonality in that they are both about individuals named Justin. Whether that played a factor in their selection by the wonderful WordPress team, I can’t say.
How did you get to write for The Huffington Post? Can you help me write for them too?
I borrowed Amanda Palmer’s technique: I met Arianna Huffington at a conference and asked her. She was gracious enough to say yes. That does not, however, mean that I have some kind of “in” that I can pass along. If you are interested, the best way is to pitch their blog team directly. There’s plenty of info on their site about how. You should know however that there is no financial compensation and the decisions on publishing/placement/social media promotion lie entirely with HP’s editors and staff.
I love your work and I’d like to support you financially.
I love you too, wonderful heaven-sent sort! I am working on setting up a method by which you may do just that. Stay tuned!
Can I read your novel?
I am actively querying it so if you are a literary agent, YES! Drop the deets in an email to the contact above. If I know you, YES! Same response. If I don’t know you, please be patient as I navigate the labyrinth of publishing it first. You can however read Vintage, which is set in the same world, and is free on Wattpad (if you have an account, and it’s no biggie to sign up, really). Honest feedback is very much appreciated so even if you think it’s the worst pile of excrement ever squeezed from Satan’s infected sphincter, please tell me. It’s the only way we learn and grow. (But maybe don’t be quite that harsh.)
Can we connect on Facebook/LinkedIn?
Unless I know you personally or have worked with you, no. Sorry. Besides, you’re not likely to see anything there you don’t already see here. I’m not given to posting pictures of my kid or screeds on maximizing office productivity.
Will you follow me back on (insert social media site here)?
Are you a unique, genuine person with lots of intelligent observations or posts on subjects I find interesting? Then it’s very likely. Are you prone to relentless spamming of self-promotion, misspelled gush about One Direction or dirty pictures? Then no, not gonna happen. I don’t auto-followback just to boost my numbers, and life is too short to waste on people who don’t add value to your day. But if I don’t follow you back, please don’t take it personally as it’s never intended to be a deliberate snub.
This is a minor thing, but it really bugs me. You say you’re Canadian. Why do you write in American English (i.e. spell “colour” without the “U”)?
The short answer is laziness. The medium-length answer is because I get more traffic from the United States. The upsized-medium answer is because I got used to writing in Yank-speak to make my novel submission-friendly and it just kind of stuck. I am fully capable of switching back should the avenue warrant.
I’m looking for a mint condition copy of Action Comics #261.
You misspelled the website name. Try www (dot) grahamcrackers (dot) com for the same-named store in Wisconsin. No endorsement intended. Don’t know the guy. Can’t offer you a discount.
You haven’t answered my particular question.
Sorry, the ESP is on the blink today. Sunspots, probably. Email me or drop a comment below.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR VISIT! PLEASE TO COME BACK SOON.